Siime Eye: vibrator + camera for vagina selfies

Reviewing sex toys is tough work, but somebody's got to do it. Usually I say that as a joke -- the "work" involved is almost always joyful. However, at times I have to work pretty hard for you, dear reader, such as this review of the Siime Eye.

The Siime (pronounced "SEE-ME") Eye from Svakom is a very slim vibrator, 1-inch in diameter, designed for internal stimulation, and it has a special attribute: a camera!


Yes, at the tip of the vibrator is a camera which is designed to let you take a photo or video of what's going on inside your own or a partner's vagina. I could, I fantasized, see what my vagina looked like relaxed, aroused, and during orgasm. I could see what my cervix did. Knowledge is power!

First things first. You need to download the Siime app onto a smart phone, tablet, or laptop. The app sets up its own wi-fi network. Once the camera and the app are both turned on, you pair them using the password you're given (you can change it, but why bother?).

Easy peasy following the instructions in the app. Now everything the camera sees is viewable on your device. You can snap photos or record videos of the inner workings of your vaginal canal to export to your personal photo gallery or, I suppose, to YouTube. (No, dear reader, I did not upload mine to YouTube because... just no.)

The truth is that it didn't quite work that way. Truth #1: I discovered that vaginal secretions do not make for a clear camera lens. In fact, all I saw was a coated, cloudy, pinkish blur.

Aha, now I understood why several other reviewers, such as Emmeline Peaches, Penny for Your (Dirty) Thoughts, and Carnal Queen, said that a clear speculum was a necessary add-on purchase before being able to use this product as intended. The nice folks at Siime Eye told me that there's no need for a speculum, but I don't know where they found clear, non-coating vaginas.

So I ordered a clear speculum, size small, from Amazon. I wasn't sure how I'd work the two together, but it turns out that the opening between the two arms of the speculum can be adjusted to make room for the Siime Eye. So far so good.

But then I discovered Truth #2: There's nothing about an inserted speculum that is sexy or even allows for the possibility of arousal. I got a clear view, yay, but there was no way that an orgasm would happen with that thing in me. Truth #3: Although the Siime Eye is a vibrator, that's meaningless when it's inside a speculum. It would only vibrate the plastic of the speculum. Still, it was interesting to see what was going on in there.

Truth #4: Older vaginal tissues are thin and fragile. (I knew that.) As I wiggled the speculum and the Siime Eye around trying to make them fit right and show what I wanted (much like robotic surgery, I'd guess), I felt enough discomfort after a few minutes to abort the operation. The discomfort persisted, and I discovered some light bleeding. That was from the plastic speculum, not the Siime Eye -- which is smooth silicone, slender, and perfectly comfortable on its own. My first attempts at a vaginal selfie failed.


With the camera turned off and the speculum banished to another room, the Siime Eye becomes a slim, buzzy, penetrative vibrator. For women who have discomfort during insertion of a normal-size penis or dildo, this body-safe silicone vibrator might be a pleasant alternative. The shape is straight and narrow, not designed for G-spot stimulation.

Day 2, back to the camera experiment. My theory was that since I now knew how to fit the Siime Eye and the speculum and could do that before insertion, plus I was using plenty of Uberlube for comfort, I wouldn't draw blood. Yes! That worked! However, the view still wasn't clear enough to be worth the effort, and arousal was not going to happen with plastic jaws inside me.

Back to using the Siime Eye solo -- even if the camera lens coated, I wanted see what I could view using the vibrator on its own. Ooops -- twice in a row when I turned on the vibrator and took it to its highest setting, it ran for only a few seconds before the Siime network disconnected and the image froze. I could easily go to my device settings, reconnect, then return to the Siime app, but I'm sorry, arousal stops if I have to fiddle with my iPad.

Another issue I discovered: when the vibrator is in use, the "down" arrow is actually up and vice versa. In other words, if you press the "up" arrow hoping for stronger vibrations, it goes weaker, and if you press the "down," it gets stronger. If the vibrator had been manned (so to speak) by another person above me, the arrows would have been correct in that person's view. But from my vantage point below, they were reversed. Labeling the controls  "+" and "-" instead of  "^" would have eliminated the confusion.

I'm spending way too much time and effort on a product that leaves me underwhelmed, but the idea behind it is so good that I thought you'd want to know.

In case you want to play with the Siime Eye camera for other uses, it doesn't give a sharp image unless you're right up against your subject. Compare the photo of my face from just inches away (blurry) with that of my eye, close enough that a sneeze would poke it out. I wasn't expecting the camera quality of a medical-grade endoscope, so that wasn't a big surprise.

I wanted to like the Siime Eye, really I did. It's such a cool idea, and my Svakom contact person was very helpful and patient. Playing with a partner would likely give you better results than I had solo. And if you're into doctor play, this will be your tool of choice! I'd love to know your experiences with it.




The nice Svakom people also sent me the Keri, a spoon-shaped clitoral vibrator that's small, ergonomic, and light enough for travel. The design keeps it out of the way during partner sex -- very handy when you need an assist during partner penetration. However, I'm lukewarm about the Keri because it's buzzy, not super strong, and the handle vibrates almost as much as the working end, which can irritate your hand and wrist and get in the way of pleasure.

If you'd like to try Siime Eye, it's available on Amazon through an authorized distributor for under $100 at this link. (It's listed on Svakom's own website for $249.) I was supposed to have an additional discount code for you, but it doesn't work right now. Check back -- I'll revise this paragraph if they get a working discount code for you. Update: use the code 3AE84AOZ for a 50% discount on the pink Siime Eye -- use this link and enter the code at checkout. You can also purchase Keri for 50% off  if you order here with promo code QEFGADXL. These discount codes are good through August 11, 2016, US sales only.

Note: To earn the discount, Svakom requests that you post an Amazon review. However, if you do that sooner than 10 days after receipt of the item, Amazon will delete your review. No, don't ask me why. Surely you don't need 10 days to find out that the item either delights or disappoints you, but those are Amazon's rules.